emiri | Entries tagged with healthy family values

"I just had the worst day today, I just-- like, everything went wrong from beginning to end, and my period's due soon so I'm getting all upset over everything and nothing, and I'm so stressed out about everything that's due, and I managed to injure myself twice and--"
"..."
"--aaaand you don't care, nevvvver mind!"
"Well, it's in the past now, what do you want me to do about it?"
"Nothing, I just-- god, never mind. And I thought Dad was unsympathetic."

And she wonders why I'm an uncaring selfish bitch?

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I should probably give an update on the parental situation. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last entry, even if I don't really have the emotional energy to reply to all of them.

I made it pretty clear to my parents that I was upset that they wouldn't be here for my 21st next year, so they've agreed to change the dates of their trip so they can be back in time for my 21st, though still not for Christmas/New Years, but whatever, I'll take what I can get. And hey, on the plus side, I'm not above using it as a guilt tripping tool to get really expensive shit that I want for my birthday. Like a birthday dinner with my parents at Aria which I've only wanted to go to for years and doubly so since the Master Chef finale (holy crap did you see that dessert???) so. You know. It's not all bad! Christmas alone is shitty but I figure I can stay positive if I manage to wrangle something good out of it.

Mum's also been bugging me lately about what I want to do for my 21st, but I keep telling her that I don't know, and that it's 6 months away still so what does it matter? And she keeps saying that she needs to book the venue, but I'm like... I'm not gonna have a big party with heaps of people because end of the line is that I just don't HAVE that many friends, and besides I don't really drink, so whatever, you know? I wouldn't be having it at a bar.

So! Anyone got any good ideas for 21st parties you can do that are fun that don't involve drinking? I already did karaoke this year, so that's out :(.

Current Mood: tired

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I'm too emotionally and physically exhausted to do a proper write up so I'm just going to copy and paste the rant from IRC.

<Emiri|ish> I HATE MY PARENTS
<Emiri|ish> fjsdjhjkh
<Emiri|ish> rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
<Emiri|ish> BAH
<Emiri|ish> okay i'm good now.
<Leopard> D:?
<Emiri|ish> idk i haven't been with my parents on christmas the last two years in a row*
<Emiri|ish> last year i made a big fuss about it but they didn't really seem to care
<Emiri|ish> in the car today my mum was like "oh by the way you'll need to find somewhere/someone to stay with during the chrissy hols this year since we're going to vietnam over christmas."
<Emiri|ish> and i was just like. whatever. i'm used to it by now.
<Emiri|ish> then i asked, because my 21st is on Jan 5th, what date they'd be back
<Emiri|ish> and she goes "oh, the 8th"
<Emiri|ish> and it was just like
<Emiri|ish> OKAY FINE, MISS CHRISTMAS AGAIN, FUCK YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE ANY MORE
<Emiri|ish> BUT MY BIRTHDAY?? MY 21ST?? WHAT THE SHIT AUGH WHY
<Emiri|ish> IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE BEING CALLED AWAY ON BUSINESS, YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY DAY OR TIME OF YEAR TO HOLIDAY ON
<Emiri|ish> and THEN they have the nerve to WONDER WHY WE AREN'T A CLOSE KNIT FAMILY
<Emiri|ish> WELL GEE EINSTEIN, I'M NOT SURE, BUT I'D TAKE A GUESS THAT IT'S YOUR TOTAL LACK OF CONCERN FOR QUALITY FAMILY TIME
<Emiri|ish> i just
<Emiri|ish> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
<Emiri|ish> rage rage raaaage
<Emiri|ish> okay really fine now.

* I know two years ago I actually did have the best Christmas ever with Tatsie's family in America, but that was still my parents' doing in a round about way. My parents told me early on in the year that they'd be going away somewhere (they didn't say where) for Christmas at the end of the year so I'd have to make my own plans, so I saved all my money and went to America. Also, though this is going to be the third year in a row, it's not only the third time this has happened. My parents have done this so many times. When I went to Japan on exchange in grade 10 too, I was there over Christmas. And they said before I left "Oh, we'll come over to see you in Japan in late January." And I asked "Why not over Christmas/my birthday?" And they simply said they had other things organised then :\. And I just. Auuuuuuuugh.

I am just... so full of anger right now. Why do my feelings count for nothing in this family?

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Well, that was the most harrowing two hours of my life.

Funerals are really depressing-- to state the obvious. I spent the service in the front row with my sisters, but the problem with that was that the casket was right infront of me. Like, a metre away. It wasn't open, but I couldn't stop staring at it the whole service, thinking "Oh god a person who was alive 24 hours ago and is now dead is less than a metre away from me, in a claustrophobic box, dead dead dead, oh god oh god." Ughhh.

After the service, we went out onto the grounds to see the casket buried. That was the worst bit. Helena's father-- Helena is the name of Dad's first wife, the woman who died-- had managed to hold it together all through the service remarkably, even while giving his incredibly moving speech. He's a stiff upper lip sort of guy. Even though he's no blood relative of mine, I've been with my sisters to see him now and then. But the moment his daughter's coffin started being lifted down into the grave, he just broke down. To see an old man sobbing, that was the hardest thing I've ever watched.

Then came the part where the mourners were supposed to go up to the pile of earth next to the grave and shovel some earth back on. Most only did one or two half hearted shovels, but Sharon, my second eldest sister started really going at it vehemently like the earth was offending her just by existing. She just kept on shoveling earth much longer than anyone else had, going at it angrily. She's always claimed to hate her mother. Even now, I can't work out if her body language then was because she was trying to say good riddance, or because she was angry at herself, or because she was angry at her mother for dying, or... what. I worry about her the most, now. At least all my other sisters had a good cry, and let themselves be hugged by others. She wouldn't make herself open to anyone. It was like she was determined not to make a big scene, that's just like her, you know? But if she bottles it up like that, she won't have a healthy outlet.

Sorry to fill your f-lists with this morbid stuff. But I feel a little better for writing it down.

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healthy family values

I'm pretty sure most people feel distress rather than amusement when their parents fight with one another.

What sort of person have I become?

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healthy family values

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Entries tagged with healthy family values

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