polyserena: (Default)
[personal profile] polyserena
yami kara yami e to inochi wo sabaku shogyou wa sore ki no gotoku
jisei no muki ni wa kore aragaenu sumi ni somaru yo no sadame ka na

nadamete sukashite tamoto wo harau oyashirazu yo koshirazu yo
tsurami mo tsumami mo soujite sarau mujihi naru tanagokoro ni katte ureshii hana ichi monme

musuu ni saku hi no tsukasa kururi odoru
sakebi koe wa kami e todokazu
ki no fushi no you ni nagare nagarete yuku
sono munen saemo sono itami sae mo

wake nado wakarazu obi wo mukarete naburare moteasobaretemo
a~re yo are yo to mitsu wa aburete kakumo fubin na ai wo tarasu

ano ko ga hoshii, ano ko ga hoshii
Aa... kuyashikana kuchioshiya aa... kuruuoshiya satemo

ka no musuu ni saku hi no tsukasa kururi odoru
sakebi koe wa kami e todokazu
ki no fushi no you ni nagare nagarete yuku
sono munen sae mo sono itami sae mo

ano ko ga hoshii, ano ko ga hoshii
sono ko ga hoshii, sono ko ga hoshii
aa... kuyashikana kuchioshiya aa... kuruuoshiya sate mo

aware hana wa chiru maiougi harari ochiru
mou aegi koe wa yorokobi ni kawarazu
ki no fushi no you ni nagare nagarete yuku sono omoi sae mo

amaneku omou wa utsuri usurete yuku
ano munen sae mo
ano itami sae mo
ano urami sae mo

ROUGH translation:
To come from the shadows and sell life into darkness is a demonic act
It might just be the fate of this ink-dyed world that can't resist the tendencies of its time

Soothing and coaxing, purify the area Foolishness of adults, foolishness of children
A pinch of bitterness generally carried away in the palm of the hand that becomes merciless
Happy to have won, hana ichi monme*

The countlessly blooming crimson officials turn and dance
The screaming voices do not reach God
Like the passage of seasons, flowing, felled
Without the least regret, without the least grief

Obi peeled without reasoning or comprehension Tormented and played with
"Like tha~t, like that" the nectar brims over Seducing such pitiful affection

I want that girl I want that girl
Ahh... it's regrettable, it's vexing, ahh... it's maddening Well now then

The evil, countlessly blooming crimson officials turn and dance
The screaming voices cannot reach God
Like the passage of seasons, flowing, felling
Without the least regret Without the least grief

I want that girl I want that girl
I want this girl I want this girl
Ahh... it's regrettable, it's vexing Ahh... it's maddening So well then

Pitifully, peonies fall, the dancer's fan gently drops
The gasping voices still don't turn joyful
Like the passage of seasons, flowing, felling
Without the least sentiment

The widely-held belief fades with the passage of time
Without the least regret
Without the least grief
Without the least bitterness
Sep. 25th, 2017 01:29 am

(no subject)

drazzi: Miles Edgeworth - Phoenix Wright (Default)
[personal profile] drazzi
So at my therapy session at the CFS/ME clinic recently, I was told something that literally blew my mind, so I figured it would be worth sharing.

Apparently a common thing with people with CFS/ME who are perfectionists is that we find it hard to deal with guilt - but obviously I think this applies to a lot of people - mental health, physical health and so on. If not just frigging everyone in the world.

My counsellor explained some very important points about guilt; beginning with asking me to list good and bad emotions. So, obviously I listed anger as bad, happiness as good and so on. 

Then broke them down into circumstance so that I could see that all emotions were valid in the right context. Really simply it was good to feel anger if someone had purposely hurt you; or it would be bad to feel happiness if something tragic had happened. As such we learned that there are no good and bad emotions, only emotions

So from here, she went on to talk about the purpose of guilt - which I had as a bad emotion, obviously. She had three core points about guilt.

1) The purpose of guilt is to help us understand when we have done something wrong.
2) The purpose is then to prompt us to put it right.
3) Guilt is not meant to be a long term experience. Once it has served its purpose there is no reason for it.

She then walked me through a flow-chart she had made, and at every point in every example it ended with guilt no longer being a valid option.

She gave me an example of something she had been guilty for in her youth: In school they had been playing around and were hiding in the girl’s toilets, keeping the boys out. She was one of the girls holding the door closed, not knowing another girl was on the other side with the boys.

She told me she had still years later felt badly for it, but going through the chart helped. She had done something wrong, even without meaning to, but could she put it right? No. She no longer knew that girl, it was years ago, she couldn’t track her down to apologise. So there was no more purpose for her guilt. 

It was literally mind blowing for me to realise I didn’t have to feel as much guilt as I did, and didn’t have to feel guilt for things that happened years ago.

It’s clearly not a SIMPLE thing to get, but I think its going to be helpful.
Sep. 24th, 2017 08:25 am

letters, Johnson & DeVos

truepenny: artist's rendering of Sidneyia inexpectans (Default)
[personal profile] truepenny
Dear Senator Johnson:

You have been saying terrible things about people with "pre-existing" conditions for all of 2017, comparing us to cars, saying that we should pay more for our healthcare, even though most "pre-existing" conditions are not caused by anything a person does or by bad choices they make. In fact, since pregnancy is a "pre-existing condition," you are actively punishing people for having families--which seems to run counter to the agenda the Republican Party has been pushing for years The Graham-Cassidy-Heller-Johnson proposal, which callously strips all protections from people like me (and which makes it entirely possible that a premature baby will hit his or her lifetime cap before leaving the hospital for the first time), makes it clear that in fact you have no idea of what it's like not to be able to afford healthcare, or to have a chronic, incurable condition, and that you don't even have enough imagination to be able to empathize with the people whose lives you are destroying.

Moreover, given that there is astonishing unity among healthcare professionals, patients' interest groups, and major insurers (plus all fifty Medicaid administrators and a current count of eighteen governors), it is quite clear that you aren't doing this because it's a good idea. You don't care whether it will be good or bad for your constituents. All you care about--and more than one of your Republican colleagues have admitted as much--is repealing "Obamacare." You're doing this because you made a campaign promise, and you're too blindly self-centered to see that this is a promise that would be better honored in the breach than in the observance. You and your colleagues are behaving childishly, destroying something only because you hate the person who built it. The ACA is not failing, as you keep claiming it is, Senator. It is suffering mightily from obstructionism and deliberate sabotage from you and your colleagues, and, yes, it does need reform. But your proposal isn't reform. It's wanton demolition of legislation that is working, legislation that is succeeding in making the lives of Americans better, demolition which you are pushing without the slightest consideration of its effects on the people you claim you serve.

I'm not writing this letter because I expect you will change your mind--or, frankly, even read it. I'm writing this letter because I'm angry and scared and unbelievably frustrated with your deliberately cruel and blindly stupid determination to do something that no one in this country wants. You won't change your mind, but you can't say you didn't know there was opposition.

P.S. I'd still really like to see you denounce white supremacism, Senator. Because right now, I unwillingly believe you don't think there's anything wrong with it.


Dear Ms. DeVos:

I am appalled at your decision to roll back the protections given to sexual assault survivors by Title IX. I'm not surprised, because it's perfectly in line with the other cruel, short-sighted, and bigoted decisions you've made since being appointed Secretary of Education, but I honestly wonder (and I wonder this about a number of Trump appointees, so you needn't think you're alone) how you live with yourself. How do you justify, even if only to yourself, the damage you're doing? Do you believe the lies you tell?

I'm not going to quote statistics, because I'm sure they've been shown to you. I'm not going to try to change your mind with personal stories. I am going to ask, futilely, that you stop and truly think about the young women whose college careers, already catastrophically imperiled by the sexual assault they have survived, may be destroyed because of the policies you're implementing. And I'm going to ask how on earth you think this destruction is part of your mandate as Secretary of Education?

Everyone's civil rights need to be respected. I believe this strongly enough to belong to the ACLU. But victims' rights are historically ignored, trampled on, and outright broken, especially in cases of sexual assault, especially when the perpetrator is white and male. I also strongly believe that the purpose of government should be to ensure that privilege is not used to skew justice. It was already crushingly difficult for sexual assault survivors to report their assailants. You have made it that much harder, and that much more likely that they will simply remain silent. I cannot help thinking that that silence is your goal, and that, Ms. DeVos, is truly shameful.
Sep. 24th, 2017 02:05 pm

Ys Origin - Thoughts etc

batman: The tower from Ys Origin (because sometimes more is more)
[personal profile] batman
I finished Ys Origin! Or … rather, I finished it a couple of weeks ago, but had to keep it a secret because I had written a treat for it in Press Start and I wanted to be stealthy. But now that authors have been revealed, I can finally talk about it without tipping my recipient off! :) Please feel free to comment on how stealthy I am.

Ys Origin aka Days of Our Facts )

I have one more Ys game left to play, and then I really have played all the Ys games in English! That’s not bad considering that I really only started playing them in around April this year. I’ve really been on a Falcom roll of late, so I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m taking a break to do other publishers.

That brings me to 102 games left in my backlog! Next up, finishing off The Longest Journey to tidy up the lingering games, and then Virtue’s Last Reward and Valkyrie Profile!
batman: Alm and Celica from Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia (fate's twin children)
[personal profile] batman
I finished Fire Emblem: Shadows of Valentia! I initially bought this because the art looked great and figured “why not”, and have been playing it in around trying to approve tags for Yuletide. 50 something hours later, I finally finished it and have fallen head over heels for it, and I now want to dive further into Fire Emblem.

I'm a Forsyth to be reckoned with! )

Next up, a ~mystery game~ that I played recently, and then plugging away at The Longest Journey. Also I should really start working on my bingo card.
Sep. 23rd, 2017 08:46 am

Review: A Crime to Remember

truepenny: artist's rendering of Sidneyia inexpectans (Default)
[personal profile] truepenny
Not about books, but definitely a review.

Hulu has episodes from 3 seasons of A Crime to Remember, which is an Investigation Discovery show. In my ongoing love/hate relationship with true crime media, ID stands out for their high production values and for about as unexploitative an attitude as you can have. (I wonder, perhaps unworthily, if part of what makes ACtR seem thoughtful rather than vulture-like is that the executive producer and a bunch of the writers & directors are women.) I have also been very fond of Homicide Hunter, partly because the show does not try to sugarcoat Lt. Joe Kenda at all. He's very good at his job, and he is a ruthless avenging angel, but he is not a nice man. I kind of adore him. (I'm pretty sure he'd hate me, but that's okay.)

But ACtR. All the episodes are period pieces. (I joked to my therapist that they must have come up with the idea because they wanted everyone to be able to smoke on camera.) I'm not super fond of the gimmick, in which every episode has a narrator who is a minor fictional character in the real crime being portrayed, but most of the time it works okay. (It works extremely well--give credit where it's due--in "The 28th Floor" (2.4).) The actors--"character" actors all--are excellent, and most of the time they even get the accents matched up to the region. (There are exceptions.) And the producers have interview clips with true crime writers who have written about the cases; with people who investigated the cases (when those people are still alive); with Mary Ellen O'Toole and other experts in various fields; with friends and family of murderers and victims alike. They frequently featured Michelle MacNamara before her death in April 2016--pretty obviously because she was very good at conveying information clearly but without sounding scripted. And, again, because they seem to look for women. They also have gotten Catherine Pelonero more than once. (I actually haven't been able to bring myself to watch the episode about Kitty Genovese, but Pelonero does a great job in the other episodes I have watched her in.)

My true, serious beef with ACtR is its insistent trope of the loss of American innocence. Almost every case is framed as something that destroyed a piece of American innocence, and this is infuriating to me for several reasons:

1. America has never been innocent.

2. The idea of the Golden Age, the before time just out of reach in which everything was perfect, is a very, very old fallacy. (The Romans were all over it.) I think it is pernicious, because it validates reactionary attempts to return to "the good old days," which are "good" (in 20th century America) only if you are white, middle-class or above, and it helps if you're male. ACtR does deal with racism, sexism, and classism, but it doesn't seem to recognize the contradictory position it puts itself in thereby.

3. Casting these crimes as destroyers of American innocence erases crimes that went before. I can give one very specific example: "Baby Come Home" (2.8) about the 1953 kidnapping and murder of Bobby Greenlease, who was murdered before his kidnappers ever tried to extort ransom from his parents. Now I am not at all denying that what happened to Bobby Greenlease is vile and horrible and an expression of the worst part of human nature, but claiming that Carl Austin Hall and Bonnie Heady somehow invented kidnapping children for ransom--or even just the worst and most cruel of bad faith negotiations after the child was already dead--erases what happened to, for one example, Charles Lindbergh, Jr. Or, for another example, Charley Ross. If there was any innocence to be lost in this particular genre of crime, it was lost in 1874, 79 years before Bobby Greenlease's death.

So, yeah. That's the one thing that I really think they get wrong. Otherwise, they do a lovely job, and they have taught me about murders I'd never heard of but I think should not be forgotten: the terrible deaths of Judge Curtis Chillingworth and his wife Marjorie in West Palm Beach in 1955; Charles Whitman's sniper assault on the students, faculty, and staff of the University of Texas in 1966 (which I knew about, but knew kind of wrongly); the bizarre murder of Betty Williams in Odessa, Texas, in 1961; the murder of Veronica Gedeon in New York in 1937, and how the case was largely solved by the editors of the true crime magazines she was a cover model for; the murder of Roseann Quinn in New York in 1973, which was the inspiration for Looking for Mr. Goodbar, and I deeply appreciate the way ACtR questions the LfMG myth and suggests that Theresa Dunn is a cruel travesty of the real Roseann Quinn and the reality of her death. If you are interested in criminology or American history (because nothing tells you more about a culture than its cause celebre murders), I commend this series to your attention.
Sep. 21st, 2017 04:02 am

(no subject)

drazzi: Miles Edgeworth - Phoenix Wright (Default)
[personal profile] drazzi
Man I just like desperately need someone who is/speaks Japanese and who can help me use a website to buy a Special Edition thing that is only coming out in Japan for my boyf.


But man he wants that Special Edition Secret of Mana remake that's coming out.
Sep. 20th, 2017 01:36 am

(no subject)

drazzi: Miles Edgeworth - Phoenix Wright ([Edgey] Run away~)
[personal profile] drazzi
Okay, Sallie. I know we're happy that this year we get to buy Christmas gifts.

But like


on the money spending.

truepenny: artist's rendering of Sidneyia inexpectans (Default)
[personal profile] truepenny
Dear Senator Johnson:

I have been reading about the Graham-Cassidy ACA repeal bill, and the more I read, the more horrified I am. The premium hikes it allows for "pre-existing conditions" are unconscionable, and if you don't think Wisconsin will exploit those hikes, you have no understanding of your state's governor. Moreover, it's estimated that 32 million people will lose coverage within 10 years. Remember when you were arguing that 16 million was "better" than 22 million? Because I remember that very clearly.

Senator, this bill is a DISASTER. I am forced to choose between believing that you did not read or understand the bill that you have co-sponsored and believing that you understand it perfectly and just care that little about the well-being of your constituents and the rest of the American people.

Your party's obsession with repealing the ACA has been wasting time, energy, money, and other resources since the beginning of 2017--not to mention the resources and opportunities wasted by your party's childish obstructionism throughout the Obama administration, in which you are fully implicated. Repealing the ACA is fantastically unpopular and has failed repeatedly. And, honestly, the worst thing that could happen to the Republican Party is for this repeal bill to succeed. If it weren't for the catastrophe that would be brought down upon millions of people, I would almost want to let you have this monkey's paw. By all means, Senator. GET WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

However, I would much prefer it if you would join those of your colleagues who are trying to REFORM the ACA, even if you won't go so far as endorsing Medicare for all. In fact, I thought you HAD joined them, since you were participating in hearings about healthcare reform, and I am bitterly disappointed in you (yet again) by your co-sponsorship of the Graham-Cassidy bill.

I know nothing I say will change your mind, and certainly nothing I say will convince you to vote against your own bill. But I cannot remain silent and allow my silence to be counted as consent for this abhorrent, inhumane, and unethical bill. You cannot say you did not know that there was vehement opposition to the Graham-Cassidy bill among your own constituents, to whom, in theory, you are supposed to listen and whose interests, in theory, you are supposed to represent.

I am frankly ashamed to have you as my senator.

Sarah Monette
truepenny: artist's rendering of Sidneyia inexpectans (Default)
[personal profile] truepenny
Dear Senator Johnson:

Today you unveiled your proposed health care legislation. I am not impressed by it, especially in comparison to the health care legislation of Senator Sanders and Senator Baldwin. I know I cannot change your mind, or convince you that removing federal regulations is a catastrophe, not a solution, or that block grants to states, while perhaps a workable solution in some states, will be misused in every way possible in others to ensure that the money does not go where it is most needed. I count Wisconsin as one of those states. I do not believe the state government has its citizens' best interests at heart any more than I believe you do.

Republican senators have been trying and failing to repeal the ACA for all of 2017, despite intense opposition from their constituencies, while Senator Sanders' Medicare for All plan creates the reform you claim to want. You are wasting time, energy, money, and other resources that would be better spent on almost anything else--perhaps the opioid crisis you also claim to be concerned about.

I am disappointed and angry. You have betrayed your constituents again, Senator. And although this is just one more chapter in a book you are making longer by the day, I am still appalled by the stupidity and cruelty you continue to endorse. Even though Wisconsin is not my native state, I have lived and voted here for more than twenty years. I am ashamed that one of my senators has put his name on this bill.

P.S. You still have not made a public statement denouncing fascism, either.
Sep. 13th, 2017 02:35 am

(no subject)

drazzi: Miles Edgeworth - Phoenix Wright ([Edgey] Run away~)
[personal profile] drazzi
I do not like the sound of strong winds because I get irrational fears that the walls of the house will blow down.