the blog i never update

ADVENTURES IN TRYING TO PROCURE SALAD VEGETABLES IN JAPAN, a play in five parts. Parts that were in Japanese are in italics.

ACT 1

Me: [Walks into a supermarket and looks for cucumber!]
Cucumber: [Is nowhere to be seen...]
Suspicious looking things in the vegetable section: Hi! Our label says that we're cucumber!
Me: ... You do not look like any cucumber I have ever seen.
Label: I SWEAR. I SAY CUCUMBER!
Me: Okay ...

ACT 2

[Scene: still in the same supermarket]
Me: [Looks around for olives]
Olives: [Are conspicuous only by their absence]
Me: Hm. [To employee:] Excuse me, do you know if you have any olives in this store?
Employee: Olives? As in, olive oil?
Me: Uhh... no, as in... the vegetable?
Employee: Oh! I don't know... let me go ask the manager.
Manager: Nope :D. Sorry!
Me: [orz]

ACT 3

Me: [Walks into another supermarket]
Me: [Decides to just ask someone straight away instead of wasting 20 minutes looking this time]
Employee: Olives?????
Me: As in... the vegetable?
Employee: [BLANK LOOK]
Me: Ummmm... never mind. Thanks!

ACT 4

Me: [Walks into the third supermarket still in search of olives]
Employee: Sorry, we don't have any.
Me: Oh, it's okay, um... do you have capsicum here?
Employee: Eh? What's that?
Me: Um... hold on... [looks it up in her electronic dictionary and hands the dictionary over]
Employee: Huh? As in peppers? [Leads me to chilli]
Me: No no no! Like, the non spicy stuff!
Employee: Oh, I think you'll have to go to a bigger place that gets imports for that...
Me: Okay, thanks.

ACT 5

Me: [FINDS A RATHER FANCY LOOKING DEPARTMENT STORE with imported goods. Still no olives. HOWEVER!]
Capsicum: Hiya :D!
Me: YAY I FOUND YOU!
Capcisum: [is tiny and roughly $2.50 AU for one.]
Me: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Me: [Cries in her soul, pays, and leaves]